Giving The Finger, Beeping And Yelling: The Typical P-Plater

Before I begin this post properly, a quick word to my non-Australian readers. Here in Australia in order to drive on your own on our roads, you have to finish 120 hours of driving with a driving instructor and pass a test, and even then you're on a probationary license which are called "P-Plates."

Now, with that established, you can consider yourself educated and full of worldly knowledge...Read on.

Recently I was talking to a close friend of mine about driving, as she's just begun to drive independently. She regaled me with a tale about how a bunch of teenage guys in a car with their P's yelled and beeped at her, and then literally drove after her in order to see which car she was getting into.

People are pretty cowardly these days. Whatever happened to the days of dragging someone you took a fancy to into a cave and just raping them mercilessly?

All rape jokes aside, though, P-Platers are often pretty disgusting people in general. It's like being able to drive independently gives them a god given reason to fuck over pedestrians.

Trust me, it doesn't. Because those pedestrians? When they find you walking alone in the street one day and you're dirt poor and giving blowjobs for petrol money, they'll be the ones fucking you over.

Literally.

Don't fuck over the poor pedestrian, because every dog has their day. And when this particular dog (me for instance) gets his revenge, shit will most definitely fly.

I had a similar experience to my aforementioned close friend recently, in which a group of P-Platers from my grade gave me the finger.

My first thought, aside from a frenzy of unexplainable rage?

His hand looked similar to a dick..Obviously much like his personality.

I only got a split-second glance at it, and it looked like a purple, veined cock. Obviously the fact that the middle finger was raised in salute and the other knuckles resembled testicles next to it didn't really help..

But yeah. That guy totally gave a new meaning to “whip it out.” I've seen a lot of things in my time, but a possible cock attached to the end of a hand has got to be one of the stranger of them.

Lesson: Check to make sure your hand doesn't look like a dick before you take the next step and try to make it look more like one. If you're considering it in the first place, often enough you'll find that your hand isn't the only thing with an uncanny resemblance to the male genitalia.

...And then there are the people who think they're cool because they have their P's, even if they do drive a really slow and shitty car.

Point in case: recently I was walking home with a friend and a group of P-Platers threw an empty bottle at me before attempting to race off with middle fingers saluting.

In reality though, an asthmatic sloth probably could have run faster.

It's times like that when I wish that stoning hadn't become illegal so long ago. If it hadn't, I'm sure I would've made Jesus' supposed death look like a dance routine from “The Wiggles” compared to what I'd do to a lot of new drivers on our roads.