My Little Rant About People And The Potential Dangers Of Finding Chewing Gum In A Public Park Whilst In A Bad Mood

Recently I received an anonymous comment from a troll, who told me how much he (yes, I referred to the troll as a male, but you have to admit, most trolls generally tend to be male - there's something to be seen in that, if you think carefully enough) disliked my blog and its contents so much so that he “almost stopped reading.”

That makes sense.

If my blog was actually receiving the traffic that I desired, though, I'd just have ignored the comment and gone back to snorting cocaine off my prostitute. However, seeing as I  haven't been getting the amount of views I've been hoping for, I pushed the prostitute off my bed (she was dead to me anyway) and decided to re-read my blogs.

After reading over my blogs and realising that I'd actually been successfully trolled to some extent, I went to the kitchen and made myself a cup of coffee and then sat down at the kitchen table, asking myself who in the world I don't hate, or at least have some dislike for.

I stopped and thought for a moment. The question itself was an interesting one, it's answer pertaining to the entirety of my being: that is, the choices I've made in life, the things I love and hate about myself, what friends and strangers alike think about me, my view of the world, and a fair chunk of the conversations I've had after five cups of coffee in the morning on a weekday or six to seven between 10:00PM and midnight on a weekend.

It didn't take me long to realise that there are very few people that I genuinely respect, and even less whose presence I find genuinely enjoyable.

With that interesting thought in mind, I pandered back to my room and turned on my laptop, deciding to blog about my discovery.

I never actually got to that, as I was distracted by the television and ended up going on a bike ride.

That's when the gum came in.

After skidding down a hill with much screeching (not on my part, mostly on that of the elderly churchgoers returning home after after a morning of worship; hey, it's not my fault they can't see me riding toward them.) I turned into a park after about five minutes, pulling up next to a see-saw to retie a loose shoelace.

There, in the corner of my eye, a glint of green caught my eye.

Moving closer to inspect it, I realised that it was a full packet of chewing gum, just lying there forlornly on the ground..

It was calling me.

Those who know me personally know that I nearly always have chewing gum of some flavour or other swishing about in my mouth; indeed, my mother regularly compares me to a “cow chewing its cud” when I munch on gum at home.

When I saw the gum packet sitting in the park, it just reinforced my previous thinking: I really hate people.

Why? Here's why.

Why had someone left a full packet of gum in the middle of the park? Had it just dropped out of someone's pocket, or had some creep purposely left it there after injecting poison through the packaging and into the gum so that an innocent person who happened to pick up the gum and put it in their mouth ended up frothing at the mouth and dying?

That's just the thing. I couldn't be sure, because I knew there were enough crazy people out there that would do that sort of thing, and it scared me..And that was what made me hate people all the more.

We live in a world where an innocent mistake can just as easily be a deceptive ploy by a serial killer, a rapist or a paedophile - in this case, one who'll drop by the park a few hours later to pick up the unconscious victim and throw them face first into their rented little white van.

But that's just the world we live in, huh?

..And people wonder why I hate everyone so much.

For those who are wondering; yes, I took the risk and chewed on the gum that I found in that park. It tasted quite good.

There's some irony in that.