Before I begin this post properly, a quick word to my non-Australian readers. Here in Australia in order to drive on your own on our roads, you have to finish 120 hours of driving with a driving instructor and pass a test, and even then you're on a probationary license which are called "P-Plates."
Now, with that established, you can consider yourself educated and full of worldly knowledge...Read on.
Now, with that established, you can consider yourself educated and full of worldly knowledge...Read on.
Recently I was talking to a close
friend of mine about driving, as she's just begun to drive
independently. She regaled me with a tale about how a bunch of
teenage guys in a car with their P's yelled and beeped at her, and
then literally drove after her in order to see which car she was
getting into.
People are pretty cowardly these days.
Whatever happened to the days of dragging someone you took a fancy to
into a cave and just raping them mercilessly?
All rape jokes aside, though, P-Platers
are often pretty disgusting people in general. It's like being able
to drive independently gives them a god given reason to fuck over
pedestrians.
Trust me, it doesn't. Because those
pedestrians? When they find you walking alone in the street one day
and you're dirt poor and giving blowjobs for petrol money, they'll be
the ones fucking you over.
Literally.
Don't fuck over the poor pedestrian,
because every dog has their day. And when this particular dog (me for
instance) gets his revenge, shit will most definitely fly.
I had a similar experience to my
aforementioned close friend recently, in which a group of P-Platers
from my grade gave me the finger.
My first thought, aside from a frenzy
of unexplainable rage?
His hand looked similar to a
dick..Obviously much like his personality.
I only got a split-second glance at it,
and it looked like a purple, veined cock. Obviously the fact that the
middle finger was raised in salute and the other knuckles resembled
testicles next to it didn't really help..
But yeah. That guy totally gave a new
meaning to “whip it out.” I've seen a lot of things in my time,
but a possible cock attached to the end of a hand has got to be one
of the stranger of them.
Lesson: Check to make sure your hand
doesn't look like a dick before you take the next step and try to
make it look more like one. If you're considering it in the first
place, often enough you'll find that your hand isn't the only thing
with an uncanny resemblance to the male genitalia.
...And then there are the people who
think they're cool because they have their P's, even if they do drive
a really slow and shitty car.
Point in case: recently I was walking
home with a friend and a group of P-Platers threw an empty bottle at
me before attempting to race off with middle fingers saluting.
In reality though, an asthmatic sloth
probably could have run faster.
It's times like that when I wish that
stoning hadn't become illegal so long ago. If it hadn't, I'm sure I
would've made Jesus' supposed death look like a dance routine from
“The Wiggles” compared to
what I'd do to a lot of new drivers on our roads.
